Comparison: Does it really help? – Michaela Sklatinioti – Psychologist.

"Before you judge another, walk at least 10 km in his shoes." How different would everything be if we followed this proverb a little more and thought a little more before we speak?
It is true that the world around us is a world of comparison. 
What does this mean;
If you go back to your childhood you will realize that since then the way of education and socialization reinforces the evaluation of success - happiness through comparison in the arena of competition. We learn to compare our own achievements with those of others. We want to see how satisfying ours are and whether they make us worth as much as others. Comparison often leads us to unfair criticism. In order to throw a veil over our own insecurities and low self-esteem that we possess.
We focus on the lives, achievements and especially the mistakes of others. This is how we turn away from our own mistakes and weaknesses. Far from the responsibility we are called to take for our lives.
Refusal to accept ourselves leads us to emphasize the mistakes of others. Thus, we are free to say that there are worse things after all. So we are good and deserving or that we are better than others in such and such a trait.
But how much value does this process really give us?
Only superficial and short term.
In essence, it leads us to turn more against ourselves, because the more we criticize, the more it will be criticized back at us. It is there that our insecurities intensify and magnify, until we are locked in a vicious cycle of negative criticism. Therefore, we either consciously or unconsciously come to:
  • we are highly critical of ourselves,
  • we set less and less realistic standards,
  • we constantly feel unsatisfied in our over-effort to touch the altar of perfection.
We put ourselves on a pedestal with imperfections and force ourselves into harsh self-criticism with the excuse that it will be the driving force towards a better self. But is it true???? This relationship of competition that we build with ourselves, is transferred to the rest of interpersonal relationships as we demand from others the perfect, to do everything exactly as we have in our minds, to constantly revolve around us, to give us non-stop importance and value and fulfill any of our expectations. So, when this does not happen, we feel that they let us down and we can more easily turn towards them and criticize them.

How exhausting is all of this?

Does it allow us to:
  • live free? 
  • do we make our wishes come true? 
  • do we get satisfaction and joy from every small achievement? 
  • are we okay with ourselves? 
  • are we striving in a healthy way for evolution? 
  • do we think about our peace of mind? 
Consider that when you hear criticism from others, you are not actually hearing reality per se, but their own depiction of reality based on what they surmise, intuit about us and what they have heard from you. So how does someone who doesn't fully live what you live, put yourself in a position to criticize something that doesn't have the full picture, that only knows some pages of the story and not the whole book? What is important to do instead of criticizing or spending time analyzing negative and unfounded criticism?
Focus on self improvement!
Focus more on you, your worries, your insecurities, your feelings, your actions, your wants, the features you don't like, the changes you want to make in your life, what you want to achieve for yourself , for your own personal satisfaction, joy and happiness. And if something doesn't suit you or the environment around you, the people you associate with, only give constructive criticism.
I mean?
Ask yourself about your own weaknesses and strengths, your own resources for dealing with life's difficulties, arm yourself with an understanding of your own imperfections so that you can similarly approach the imperfections and diversity of loved ones and acquaintances/strangers in the sphere of your environment. Talk about what doesn't satisfy you with respect, listen to difficulties and concerns, work with the other person how change can happen, work together for mutual understanding and the fermenting process of any relationship you have. Listen to yourself and the other without entering into a competition field who will score the most goals but in the spirit of how you will get to the basket together and hit the ball to score the goal together. Remove yourself from the uncontrollable criticism of people who do not know you, who judge only from themselves, consider which criticism has real value, has truth and love for you in it. Do the same to yourself. What you feel and think has a value and a reason for existence. Discover him!