Have you ever wondered what spontaneity and impulsivity are? Which of the two characterizes you more? Many times it happens that we confuse the 2 terms and attribute a negative connotation to both. But what is true? 

Let's see them together and I'll help you understand how you function as a person and how you can get closer to yourself and be good with it!

The spontaneity…

(he + I rush). It states the original expression of what one feels or thinks. The spontaneous person acts according to what he feels or thinks without putting egos and second thoughts in between in order to be able to be liked by everyone around him. He is himself, he expresses himself and if someone doesn't like him 'it's ok'. 

We might better understand this concept by thinking about children.

So what do the kids do? They say exactly what they feel, the moment they feel it without thinking of showing anything other than what they feel in order to be misunderstood or to achieve something. 

Here are some examples of spontaneous behaviors:

'I don't like this, I'd rather do something else' INSTEAD of 'Ok whatever you want, I have no problem' 

'You're the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me' INSTEAD of 'I'm having a good time but we'll see baby' (This refers to cases where the person feels it but is afraid to express it. It may be that someone does not feel that strongly and still wants time to go exploratory).

With our friends we usually don't care to fight and disagree We don't negotiate our values and wants. 

The above examples, as you will notice, come from situations of emotional relationships in which there is an intimacy but possibly also a feeling of security. However, being spontaneous can and does make sense in any context. For example, in a job interview where we meet someone for the first time and there is no feeling of familiarity. It is possible to proceed with an agreement that is not in accordance with our wishes. So either we may not bring disagreement and end up starting something that doesn't please us or we may enter into a negotiation process clearly stating our own wants and needs and thus be spontaneous people. 

After seeing some examples let's analyze impulsivity. Thus, we will be able to contrast the 2 concepts. 

Impulsivity…

(para + rush). It is defined as a predisposition to rapid, unplanned reactions to internal or external stimuli, without regard to the negative consequences that could follow. It is a multidimensional construct involving action without thought, impatience, quick decisions, and lack of awareness of consequences. According to Gray's limbic system theory, impulsivity reflects a high sensitivity to gratification in the here and now and a disdain for waiting even if it brings something better. This, for example, means that impulsive people feel an overwhelming and sudden urge to satisfy a need, such as satisfying a romantic pursuit.

More specifically, an impulsive person who is in a relationship and will feel a strong romantic attraction to another person will not think about the consequences of indulging in this act while in a relationship.

He won't think about what this might mean for the feelings he has for the person he's with now, that maybe something is over that he won't admit and tries to rationalize it through statements like 'I wanted confirmation' or 'I just wanted to see how it would go' feel'.  Individuals with impulsive traits express poor inhibitory control, which can affect their social behavior due to a lack of insight. 

So what is the difference and how do I find the balance?

Spontaneous people express what they feel, what they want, so that they don't get trapped in situations that don't satisfy them, so that they don't feel trapped in themselves but every moment and minute they are themselves. However, we must keep in mind that the person who will listen to our needs and wants is a whole of feelings and sensitivities. Therefore, it is important to protect them as well. But they will not do this by suppressing our own desires but by expressing them. In an appropriate way that will show that we maintain a respect for others in our lives. 

After all, don't they say 'he wants a way, not an effort'?

So on impulse...

There is again the full expression of our needs but without the process of finding the right way to be able to have and do what I want and it will make me happy by functioning spontaneously listening to my needs with respect! Or many times due to lack of spontaneity we struggle to suppress what we feel or what we want. In essence, we need to find the appropriate way to be able to express our wishes with respect both to ourselves and to others. 

And watch out!

Many times we drown because we think that the other person next to us won't get hurt. This is important to keep in mind, but not to withdraw from our own emotional world and satisfy someone else's world but to work towards how to handle a situation with sensitivity and empathy towards both ourselves and others. towards fellow man. People will get hurt because their needs don't match yours, that's not up to you to fix and go through the process of changing your own needs to always be liked. But you can change the way you express what you feel so that respect and empathy are present.

think…

• The way you handle your own emotions
• The way you think about situations
• The way you act in every situation
• The way you feel about yourself

Are you okay with yourself? Are you happy with how things are going in your life? Do you think it's time for a change?

If you feel a suffocation and tightness emotionally, share it with someone close or ask for help from an expert. It is not a shame!

Live and listen to your feelings!! 

Thank you for your time

I'm here whatever you need. 

Michaela