Human relationships are like dough. They need passion, time and appetite to find the right technique and the right proportions of each ingredient that will help them stay solid and unchanged. The same happens with every human unit-totality that is part of a human relationship. It is a raw dough that is molded and shaped daily. Thus, units and groups are in a continuous process of creating both personal self and group identity – human relation.

-A creation is governed by what in most cases?

From many fixes until it reaches the final result.

-And what is the need for constant fixes?

Passion for finding the way we can change and fix what we don't like or break it and start something from scratch finding our own place and humanity again! 

How many times have you come to the point of saying:

• 'Ah, I don't understand him/her at all'
• 'I can't take it anymore, he doesn't understand what I feel and what I say'
• 'It's like talking to a wall'
• 'I wonder how I've been with her/him this long'
• 'Well, why doesn't she tell me what's bothering her/him... so selfish anymore?'

and many many more that we could sit for hours and write as examples. 

What bothers me when I hear these phrases of dissatisfaction? How is it that human relationships are so unpredictable and often so difficult to maintain? How is it possible to be good with a partner or a friend at one moment and at the next we cannot stand next to him/her, that everything brings us discomfort. 

Does it bother you too? 

My perspective and answer to these questions focuses on:

• to the changes in the needs of each person through the formation of character from life experiences over the years 

& 

• in the inability of several people to see through the other's eyes and to try to essentially understand their own interpretation - point of view or otherwise in the lack of empathy. 

More specifically…

as humans we are constantly evolving beings that the various experiences of life and the reconciliation with different people over the years make us, even unconsciously at first, identify elements in our character that we like and want to keep but mainly elements that we want to change, that make us feel that something is wrong and that we need to go one step further to become a better version of ourselves. Many times it even happens that we do not like ourselves to project it as a negative element of others.

For example:

When we believe that someone might cheat on us, this phobia may come from an inner fear of our own tendency toward a corresponding behavior. Because we don't want to accept it for ourselves, we reject that it exists in us and judge it by claiming that it is in one of the important people in our life. 

Furthermore, our needs are formed from the first day of our contact with the world, and since then the way our brains are created and the way we are brought up and then involved in social relationships determine our characteristics and the degree to which we develop defenses to meaningful contact with both ourselves and others.

Our needs, like ourselves as wholes, are constantly changing in the game of life.

Thus, it is next and reasonable that, in a major or minor transitional phase, either our needs change or the way in which we want the same needs to be met in order to be happy. Therefore, it is reasonable that as we change and modify either less or more that the people around us also change or remain stagnant. Both in one and the other case it is possible to have a mismatch of needs and wants. Thus, the connection and communication that existed with each person that we considered important in our lives is lost. 

Now you might be wondering…

People will always come and go from our lives

Because we will change?

Will there be no stability?

Will we always be in fear that at some point a relationship, whether friendly, work or romantic, will not cover us?

Adaptability & Versatility

Here, of course, we will include the factor of adaptability and adaptability that also characterizes us as human beings. What does this mean; Changes are logical and normal to happen but the way we manage them is what makes the difference. This ability to properly manage the changes that take place in our lives differs significantly from person to person and even within the same person depending on the situation he is called upon to face each time. 

And this is exactly where the weakness comes in!

As mentioned above, it governs certain people who find it difficult to see a situation, an opinion, an event through the eyes of another. They struggle, empathically, to understand a different way of seeing. This does not mean that a different perspective should be accepted, but the process of trying to interpret the behavior and its source, rather than simply resorting to the easy solution of 'I don't understand you, I'm leaving'.

It is remarkable that we try to put ourselves in the shoes of the other and judge how it is possible for a relationship to ferment in order to try to survive it. 

As you understand, it is logical and inevitable that there will be disagreements. To get to the point of not understanding each other, not being able to be in each other's presence. We don't have to blame ourselves for that. It is not easy for everyone to connect with everyone or to connect equally well with the same people for a lifetime. At the same time, however, it is important to start the process of listening to both our own needs and the needs of others. To put aside the blinders and adopt the eyes and ears of the other to interpret thoughts and behaviors.

That is, to deal with every situation and every person with empathy.

 When we realize that something is suffocating us, we don't like something about ourselves:

• from the way we operate

• where we face situations and people

• and especially ourselves in human relationships...

WE SPEAK!

It is good to talk about it, to share these concerns with people who we believe can truly listen to us, without judgment, or even to seek the help of a specialist professional psychologist. 

The next time you wonder some of the above, think:

• What is it that really bothers you about others/yourself?
• What do you feel needs to change?

Then try to find a way to be honest with yourself.

Because only in this way will you find purity in everything around you. 

Thank you for your time

I'm here whatever you need

Michaela